I'm getting serious now.
The nematodes arrived and have been hanging out next to the orange juice in the fridge. Tonight I decided to woman up and release them into the boxes. These microscopic predators attack and kill most insects in your soil (except my booming earthworm population) but leave the plants alone. The million come on a little blue sponge that you squeeze out into a gallon of water. They say you can spray them but at their price I decide I will pour. It's slightly creepy to deal with microscopic predators that invade the bodies of insects but I'm confident they will focus on the task at hand and not my flesh. I carried the milky pitcher of water out to the garden, still not convinced there was actually anything in the water and poured it into the boxes. Now I can fall asleep to dreams of my cutworm and white grub population losing the war. Or just having milky water poured on them.